Friday, February 20, 2009


Have you ever really really really liked someone and yet been confused about whether you should feel the way you do?  I have and i can tell you that it is hard!  This girl was so unique and special...she was a brightness glowing through an ever dimming world!  I loved how she laughed and giggled.  I loved that she had a strong set of beliefs and wanted to have a family and children that shared those beliefs.  She was always fun to be with.  To kiss her was the best thing ever! When we served others together our friendship grew! I often thought about her and hung out with her. THis girl and i went through a lot of hard times and a lot of fun times!  Sometimes i could see her and i together and just being best friends, because that is what she was...MY BEST FRIEND.  
Our history was a complex one... some times it made me so mad or frustrated that i would do dumb things or say stupid stuff!  Other times she made me so so Happy!  I guess that is how relationships are sometimes though!  She often had a hard time expressing her feelings and that was hard but i am getting better! She is a great woman and will be forever i am sure...i wonder though if i should like her.  SHe is gorgeous and funny and i love the cute little things she does...they just strengthen my feelings for her.  For example when she gets mad or frustrated her face is so cute and it just makes me smile.  Or when she laughs and laughs and laughs with me...she just glows!  ANother time is when she digs deep and talks about her passions and things she loves...when she does that i fall for her all over again! But she cant talk that way about me! 
She left now...and she will be gone for sometimes we are still good friends and the other day we talked on the phone and just laughed and laughed like we used to.  I know she wants to come home and i think she needs to date other guys and she realizes that too.  In her quest she will realize what she wants and whoever it is i wish her luck!  i really do...cause love is care and i care that she does well and is happy and i know that i am not always the best at that.  I know that i even get jealous tinges but i know this; she needs her freedom to choose what she wants...she needs to taste more flavors of ice cream before she can choose a favorite!  And you know what i probably do too!!! 
In all this mumbo jumbo i am writing i believe this....If people are living right than whatever is supposed to happen will!  The Lord will see to it! 

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