Sunday, June 7, 2009

Hello one and all i just wanted to write a blog so you would all know that i am not dead! I am actually alive! Where you may have thought me to be at the bottom of Utah lake chained to a chair i am in fact just residing comfortably at my apartment in Provo Utah. I would love to tell you where that apartment is but due to the masses of fans i have, that have adoringly entitled themselves "the X Factor" i cannot reveal my secret lair for fear that i may be run over by a stampede of fans wanting autographs, pictures, or articles of my clothing!
BAck to the blog.. I just found out that there is such a thing as Sasquatch!!! Seriously i saw him with my own eyes while camping in Camus Utah the other weekend. I know what you are thinkin, "JOrdan drank to much of the 'fire water' again." In my defense i have never touched alcohol in my life...unless you count the condensation that comes off of a drunk persons breath...cause in that case i would qualify as an alcoholic as a missionary. Truly as far as drinking alcohol though i have never partaken and it has never been a temptation for me...though i have been offered the vile substance at times. Again i apologies! Scary as it may be,i was with two of my friends, namely Lindsey Jordan and Carly Cook, and we were talking about this big footed beast around the camp fire, and yes sasquatch qualifies as a beast (refer to earlier blog about beasts), more specifically we were talking about "a Goofy Movie" in which Sasquatch is shown doing disco like John Travolta! hahaha it is a funny scene and even funnier when you have Carly imitatiting Big Foot who was dancing disco in th flick. Anyway we were talking this scene up and watching Carly dance and laughing when i heard my stomach talk to me in stomach language, which actually is a lot like German. My gastro intestinal track said, "Jordan, it is getting a little like L.A. rushhour down in here, could you help us out?" When i heard this kind statement from my stomach a did what anyone would do...i ignored it. Well after watching Carly and now Lindsey dance like complete morons for some time my stomach must have been sick of the display cause it communicated again to me this time in it a much more aggresive dialect. It growled, " You idiot! You are asking for colon cancer! GO! Go! GO!" well this was enough for me and i grabbed the t.p. and booked it into the Camus wilderness......For fear of being discovered i trudged like Lewis and Clark across what seemed like the entire continent until i found the perfect spot and parden my french (palrle vou francais), assumed the position!?! It was in the dark wildernes while in the position that i saw them...gulp...two beady eyes staring at me from across the way in a bush! "Oh dear" i thought...."what could it be?" those eyes and my eyes stare at each other for over 10 minutes trying to figure each other out. Atleast it seemed that long. The eyes moved and seemed to raise! I soon realized whatever beast these eyes belonged was much bigger than i...this thing was standing up adn then i realized i had been staring at BIG FOOt...he had been crouching in the bush....needless to say i told my stomach in broken german that they could wait and i ran off! The END

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