Sunday, January 31, 2010

Mustache Militia

Here i stand in the Holiest of Lands! I have stood in the presence of world wonders like the Nile and the Pyramids. I look out my bedroom window every morning and see the dome of the rock and the western wall. I sleep and awake to the Jerusalem call to prayer...I truly live in a land of magic carpet rides; it is a whole new world! How could i dare close my eyes? Such a beautiful place and yet i yearn for more!!! My heart it cries, "what a gaping hole there is in my left atrium...What is missing?!!!" I listen and i wonder and ponder. After many nights of resltess dreams and lost sleep due to the worry and need to fill my broken heart i have come to only one conclusion! I must join with the Mustache Militia!!! They have been signing volunteers here but a fortnight ago. I must sign my soul to a contract binding me to the growth of facial hair on my upper lip....this and only this will calm my troubled mind. In the carefully sculpted short stubble on my upper lip i will find peace...
If you too feel lost and alone....maybe your heart and soul cry out, "help us we need comfort!" consider the Mustache Militia. They are an elite group of substantial military prowess similar to that of the Navy Seals or the Green Berets...and yet they are more. It is truly a misconception that they are a symbol of burps and farts...wife beater t-shirts and Nascar. They are upper class gentleman with standards..."forks on the left and knives on the right," they order the uneducated. They are a symbol of all manhood. Raw Testosterone!!! They can simultaneously fold a man into a pretzel; Eat a nine course meal in a tux; and take a shower!
Think of the greats...Tom Selik...Chuck Norris...and Johnny Depp.
Mustache equals Peace!!!
cordially yours,
Jordan Mulford


  1. Well there is a lot of good military serves in the states. LOL! Joe really likes the Navy, but isn't and doesn't want to be a seal.

  2. Jordan, have you ever considered writting a book, the way you write in incredible!! And this is hilarious, I think we are all anxiously awaiting pictures of this mustache :p (Yasmeen)

  3. This is almost more epic in written form than it was during the ceremony. Almost.
    I'm so glad that it is up here for all the random readers from Indonesia to see!