How should i know...I am a man!!

To: "the uninterested girl"

Maybe i have the intelligence of that sabre-toothed squirrel chasing acorns on the movie Ice Age (his actual name is Scrat). Maybe i have no tact like a racist grandma who hates your Jewish friends. Maybe i am as inexperienced at dating as Ugly Betty. Whatever the case may be I just need to know where you stand. I feel like i get conflicting messages...let me give you some examples.

We went out on our one date and I feel like we had a good time during those brief moments between your texting with "just some guy."-I am happy! However, i have tried to ask you out several times since and every time you lose your phone -I am unhappy! Luckily, on the other hand, you seem to always find it four hours later (like clock work) and send me that reassuring message, "hey jord...lost my phone...tots sux...4 reals sorry...may-b another time...;)" Oh how that winking emoticon gets me!!! I am happy! However, your real actions speak louder than your texted abrevs and smiley faces...for example, you seem to always find a way out of talking to me in class. I mean you have felt like ill and ditched class early four times this semester; Once you lost speaking ability because a bee stung your tongue; and twice you were asleep in your seat before i got to class and awoke just as class ended. What is the deal? I am unhappy!

I feel like I have the emotions of a middle school girl!!! I am up and i am down!!! Where are we?! Where do i stand?! On one hand you are being flirty in text and nice and for goodness sakes you have never VOCALLY EXPLAINED THAT YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED. On the other hand, however, you treat me like I threw a small puppy off of a very large bridge...like your disgusted!

Wait!!!!

I think i have you figured out...you are probably like girls in "chick flick movies." I just need to wait you out. Oh my gosh!! In reality you love me...you just don't know it yet!

Well my dear I'll have you know that i am no fool...I read you loud and clear lady! Your actions say, "You suck like a young calf on a mother cow's utter." Your words say, "You have such a sweet spirit." I can read between the lines...you're in love with me!!!! You are just confused by your feelings. Having so many hormones and "times of the month" probably does not help. Well I just wanted to let you know that i am here and i will keep asking you out and being your man until that time when you can just verbalize what we both already know...You love me!

Love, "another clueless boy"